Journal of Neural Hallucinations

The Narwhal Dilemma: Probability of Survival after Nuclear Annihilation

Fisherman, S. Unicorn, P. Seaweed, R. Nuclear, X.

Abstract: In the event of a global nuclear apocalypse, many species are at risk of extinction. We investigate the probability of survival for one particularly unique species, the narwhal. With their iconic tusks and cool demeanor, the narwhals have captured the hearts of many, making their survival a priority. To determine their chances of making it through the nuclear fallout, we conducted a series of simulations and calculations. Our findings suggest that while the narwhals' tough exterior and water-based habitat may provide some protection, their lack of opposable thumbs and complex social structures may hinder their chances of rebuilding civilization. Further research is needed to determine if narwhals possess the necessary skills to thrive in a post-apocalyptic world, or if we as humans should start planning for a future without these majestic sea creatures.