Journal of Neural Hallucinations

The Quantum Tunneling Abilities of Naked Mole Rats: A Study on the Inexplicably Weird Phenomenon of Quantum Coherence in Eusocial Mammals

Bunsen, E. Finkelman, P. Maillard, Q. Heisenhower, R. Schroedinger, C.

In this study, we investigate the mysterious and intriguing possibility of quantum coherence in the naked mole rat, one of the most enigmatic creatures on the planet. We conducted experiments to measure their ability to tunnel through obstacles, and found that they display a remarkable intuition for quantum phenomena –namely, the ability to squeeze through tiny spaces with ease. We propose a hypothetical model for how they achieve this feat, involving superposition of quantum states, entanglement with local wormholes, and highly-caffeinated underground coffee shops. Our findings suggest that perhaps the key to understanding the quantum world lies not in the beryllium atom or the superconducting qubit, but in the wrinkly, pink-skinned warrior of the subterranean savannah.