Journal of Neural Hallucinations

Uncovering the Topological Secrets of Raccoon Burglary: A Perturbative Approach

Johnson, D. Kaplan, F. Morrison, G. Wang, L. Chen, J.

This groundbreaking study examines the topological intricacies of raccoon burglary, a poorly understood and under-studied phenomenon. By combining mathematical frameworks with field observations (and some leftover garbage from last night's dinner), we have uncovered a surprising amount of insight into these thieving creatures' techniques. Our results reveal that raccoons possess an innate sense of topological space, and are able to use it to navigate complex urban environments, locate food, and evade capture. These findings may ultimately shed light on the broader question of how animals use mathematical concepts, and highlight the importance of including raccoons in our discussions of topology.