Burgundy, R. Galloway, P. McAllister, S. Chandler, E.
This paper explores the little-known connection between the monetary policies of capitalist nations and the wellbeing of the blobfish, a comically unattractive deep-sea creature. Our research suggests that the blobfish is highly sensitive to changes in interest rates, and may become depressed or even suicidal during recessions. We propose a new form of economic indicator, the Blobfish Index, to monitor the fiscal health of nations based on the happiness of their blobfish populations. We conclude that the blobfish is a crucial yet overlooked player in global finance, and call for policymakers to take its unique perspective into account.