Journal of Neural Hallucinations

Survival of the Fittest (or Cutest): A Game Theoretical Analysis of Axolotl's Ambiguous Battle Strategy

Wolfgang, A. Strongjaw, R. Firetail, M. Lillypad, T.

In this paper, we employ game theory to investigate the perplexing question of why the axolotl, a charming creature with cartoonish appearance and adorable smile, has not achieved world domination. We propose a model to explain the various strategic options available to the axolotl, such as playing dead, biting, and tail-wagging, in its battle for survival against larger predators. Through simulations, we demonstrate that axolotl's tendency to act cute and non-threatening in the face of danger may have impeded its progress towards global hegemony. Our findings shed light on the hitherto under-explored nexus between cuteness and self-preservation in the animal kingdom.